How To...... BSpert

Get qualified as a BSpert.

Upon recognition, you will be able to join an elite group of professionals and the benefits befitting this group.
1. Have a large base fan club synonymous with the Beetles
2. Member of leading edge research group on environmental impact from fartulation
3. Unlimited supply of biofumes to combat global greenhouse effects
4. Unlimited W.C. facilities to the spontaneous excretion/secretion of biofuel
5. Be on the leading edge of BS R&D. Stand apart from everyone else.
6. Be revered as the expert in BS vocalisation diving
7. Granted special privileges. Be abhorred and shunned by fellow divers
And much much more........

To qualify, please select the multi choice answers to the questions below and submit to this post. You will be informed of your results as soon as the panel of judges review your submission. Do not be disappointed if you do not qualify, keep trying, you will succeed one day or be ignored permanently.

This is a 2 part Questionnaire.
Part 1
Question 1
If you see a school of hammerhead, what will be your 1st reaction?
1. Are they grey reef shark?
2. Better swim after them before the rest of the group realise.
3. Ignore the computer beeps.
4. All the above
Question 2
Now that you have seen hammerheads, how will you see them on your subsequent dives?
1. Demand that your DM go to the dive site you choose, at the time you want, the depth that you want and the group that you don't want to dive with.
2. Complain to the other divers that the DM is inexperienced, unfriendly, unresponsive to suggestions and too safety conscious (because the DM banned you from diving after you went to 60M).
3. Complain to the manager that the food is bad, service is lousy and the room next door make love too loud. Demand that they provide you with an opposite gender so that you can do her/him louder than next room.
4. All the above
Question 3
What effect does the weather contribute to Hammerhead sightings?
1. You will have a better chance to see them when it is dark and cloudy, if not then when it is bright and sunny.
2. The water temperature must be 25c to 29c, Vis must be clear blue or green.
3. The boatman must wear pink and be a bhai
4. All the above
Question 4
How does the number of divers in the water contribute to the sighting of hammerheads?
1. Too many divers make a lot of noise breathing and scare the Hammerheads away except me.
2. All the divers chase after the hammerhead before I get a chance to chase
3. They all follow the DM and I have to swim in front of DM
4. All the above
Question 5
Which is the best method of ensuring you get a photo or footage of the hammerheads?
1. Keep chasing and shooting until a)out of air, b)out of hammerheads or c)until unconscious.
2. Swim through all the stationary divers in front of me and ignore the DM
3. Make a lot of noise if the other divers are faster than me
4. All the above
Question 6
How do you get the attention you deserve from the other divers in the resort, to the fact that you are special as far as hammerheads sightings are concerned?
1. Do not let them know that this is your 1st time seeing hammerheads.
2. Do not let them know that you were scared shitless when you 1st saw them.
3. Do not let them know that this is the 2nd day you are on the island, just walk around arrogantly as though you're god's gift to diving and get your partner (regardless of gender) to pander after you.
4. Bribe the DMs and the resort staff to keep quiet (after all "Malaysia Boleh")
5. All the above

End of Part 1
In order to take part in Part 2 Questionnaire,
a. you must have a.75% correct answer
or
b. submit your answers by post
or
c. answer at least 1 question

Definition of BSpert- refer to previous blog