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How To...... BSpert

Get qualified as a BSpert.

Upon recognition, you will be able to join an elite group of professionals and the benefits befitting this group.
1. Have a large base fan club synonymous with the Beetles
2. Member of leading edge research group on environmental impact from fartulation
3. Unlimited supply of biofumes to combat global greenhouse effects
4. Unlimited W.C. facilities to the spontaneous excretion/secretion of biofuel
5. Be on the leading edge of BS R&D. Stand apart from everyone else.
6. Be revered as the expert in BS vocalisation diving
7. Granted special privileges. Be abhorred and shunned by fellow divers
And much much more........

To qualify, please select the multi choice answers to the questions below and submit to this post. You will be informed of your results as soon as the panel of judges review your submission. Do not be disappointed if you do not qualify, keep trying, you will succeed one day or be ignored permanently.

This is a 2 part Questionnaire.
Part 1
Question 1
If you see a school of hammerhead, what will be your 1st reaction?
1. Are they grey reef shark?
2. Better swim after them before the rest of the group realise.
3. Ignore the computer beeps.
4. All the above
Question 2
Now that you have seen hammerheads, how will you see them on your subsequent dives?
1. Demand that your DM go to the dive site you choose, at the time you want, the depth that you want and the group that you don't want to dive with.
2. Complain to the other divers that the DM is inexperienced, unfriendly, unresponsive to suggestions and too safety conscious (because the DM banned you from diving after you went to 60M).
3. Complain to the manager that the food is bad, service is lousy and the room next door make love too loud. Demand that they provide you with an opposite gender so that you can do her/him louder than next room.
4. All the above
Question 3
What effect does the weather contribute to Hammerhead sightings?
1. You will have a better chance to see them when it is dark and cloudy, if not then when it is bright and sunny.
2. The water temperature must be 25c to 29c, Vis must be clear blue or green.
3. The boatman must wear pink and be a bhai
4. All the above
Question 4
How does the number of divers in the water contribute to the sighting of hammerheads?
1. Too many divers make a lot of noise breathing and scare the Hammerheads away except me.
2. All the divers chase after the hammerhead before I get a chance to chase
3. They all follow the DM and I have to swim in front of DM
4. All the above
Question 5
Which is the best method of ensuring you get a photo or footage of the hammerheads?
1. Keep chasing and shooting until a)out of air, b)out of hammerheads or c)until unconscious.
2. Swim through all the stationary divers in front of me and ignore the DM
3. Make a lot of noise if the other divers are faster than me
4. All the above
Question 6
How do you get the attention you deserve from the other divers in the resort, to the fact that you are special as far as hammerheads sightings are concerned?
1. Do not let them know that this is your 1st time seeing hammerheads.
2. Do not let them know that you were scared shitless when you 1st saw them.
3. Do not let them know that this is the 2nd day you are on the island, just walk around arrogantly as though you're god's gift to diving and get your partner (regardless of gender) to pander after you.
4. Bribe the DMs and the resort staff to keep quiet (after all "Malaysia Boleh")
5. All the above

End of Part 1
In order to take part in Part 2 Questionnaire,
a. you must have a.75% correct answer
or
b. submit your answers by post
or
c. answer at least 1 question

Definition of BSpert- refer to previous blog

Hello Y'all

It's been a long time since the last blog. Miss us? truth be told, we forgot about the blog. Before we continue, let us tell you about the weather for the past couple of weeks.

WX- Wind direction changed to South West 2 weeks ago. Switched back to North East 2 days ago. Rain in the morning, hot as hell in the afternoons. Waves fluctuating between flat calm to 1m. Currents still manageable. Vis is between 20m to 40m depends on the weather.


Don't really have that many new pictures to post here but we'll try to tell you what we have seen and heard, before we start whinging again.

We had sightings of Threshers, being cleaned (two of them together). The normal schooling hammerheads and their personal cycles. 48 or 50+ mobulars depending from which angle you were looking and counting from. And today, whale shark again. All the other mundane stuff (pygmy sea horse, schooling jacks, white tips, grey reef, manta, ghost pipes, dogtooth, marble ray and so forth.....) are still around. And before you go ballistic, the word "mundane", we copied from our learned diving guests.

A bunch of divers diving with our numero uno DM have been sighting HH everyday, whale shark, thresher, mobulars..... The other divers were so jealous that they jumped ship to join them. Reason for changing was DM and divers on the other boat were lousy shits.

And speaking of some of our learned diving guests' "knowledge of the specific behavioral pattern, the methodology in sighting the schooling hammerheads due to their mating and feeding habits" not to mention " the preferred depths, temperature, salinity and visibility" of the water. We guess the guests know better, since they have seen schooling hammerheads (when they were watching Nat Geo). Dived in Layang Layang on numerous occasions (3 times a day, 2 days in a row), they are now qualified Hammerhead specialists. Oh, not to forget, they paid a lot of money to be here, therefor they know better than the other cheaper paying guests. And our DMs must listen to them but not the other cheaper guests. Hammerheads will show up at 7.30, 11.00 and 4.30 when these learned divers are here. We guess god made these learned divers special (a special pain in the butt to everybody else).

What do you think we should name them from this day forth? We know about bull sharks, we even know the name of male cows and Guiness famous logo, a bull dog. Our suggestion of a name is "BSpert diver", what say you? Now, the next question coming up is "how do you recognise one/group regardless of gender he/she/shim or race/colour/nationality/religion/politics as a BSpert?"

And if you do decide to come here to our paradise, don't get dung splashed by following a BSpert around and don't turn into a BSpert please. We have enough BSpert secretions to fill our swim pool already. Thank you and have a good dive holiday soon.

Human Missiles

Wx- very good for 1 week and then rain for 4 days, now back to hot sun and calm seas

Some characters in human never change. Everyone seems to forget that a hammerhead is a SHARK. Divers swims off into the blue as fast they can chasing after the hammerheads. One day some unlucky diver is going to get bitten by one in defense because the HH thinks it is being attacked. We wonder if the same divers go to Africa and chase the lions, hyenas, leopards..... when they see them.

Next, we wonder if any diver ever think that they are special (god's gift to diving) and can't get bent. They were taught all the rules and regulations regarding being a safe and responsible diver. But when they see a hammerhead, they throw all rules and precautions away. Aiyah, the lure and hazards of hammerheads.

Another thing, divers argue over the funniest matters. A deck chair. Can you believe this? What happened to all the nice people anymore? We know where the blame lies. It is because they never saw the hammerheads, right?

We spotted 2 whale sharks at different locations at the same time. They hung around and played with the divers (lucky buggers). Schooling hammerheads periodically. Ever read or heard about a German guy that came to Layang Layang and discovered the 7 theories of finding hammerheads? We met Mr. 8,9 and 10 later, down here. We are going to set up a board so that all the potential hammerhead researchers/theoreticians can contribute to it (HOW TO FIND HAMMERHEADS).

We have also met some of the nicest divers in the world. They come here to be on holiday. They don't care what they see as long as they can dive. They are so relaxed that they are the ones that see everything. And they have no theories about anything except chilling out.

We had dolphins coming into the lagoon to play a few times. Hasn't happened since 1997/8. Thresher, mobulars, mantas, jacks, dogtooth, pygmy sea horse ....... All still around.

As you are well aware, we are in the middle of Golden week. A lot of repeaters from Japan. We also have a good mix of HKers, German, French ...... making up about 50% of total divers.

That's it for now until next time. Hope you enjoy the frivolities of your fellow divers. All pics by etsuko, kurt and seok.

Ps. There were these guys in the pool playing football. Trying to do heading with a beer can full of water. Of course, you guessed it. One of them have to have 3 stitches on the top of his scalp. And he was lucky to have a surgeon here for holidays to stitch it without charge.